G3: This I Believe Speech

This speech that I wrote is ultimately about taking time and space for yourself, no matter who else it may affect. Self-care isn't selfish.

I believe in time and space. As a Black girl, we don’t get enough of either. We ask for it and we’re told we have an attitude, that we’re being rude, or we’re being selfish. For hundreds of years, there has been this damaging image of a “strong, Black woman.” There’s nothing wrong with being strong, there is beauty in strength. The problem is that we can only be strong. We can’t express the wide range of emotions that comes with being a human, because when we do, it becomes weaponized to tear us down.

I had this friend who was in a very… intense relationship. I was close friends with her so she told me all about it. She loved her person more than life itself and her person loved her. They talked about a long future together, complete with watching sunrises on the beach to counting stars in an open field. Real rom-com type crap. As an outsider looking in, I thought they were adorable. I thought they’d end up being high school sweethearts with the most headass stories to tell their children in the future.

That was at the beginning though.

Sure, they had their ups and downs, because what couple doesn’t? But after a while, things were just different. We all graduated together and went our separate ways but I kept in touch with her. She told me that they were gonna try to make the relationship work even though they didn’t go to the same school. I fully supported them because if they were as in love as she told me they were, I knew they’d make it work. After a few months of school, she calls me, crying. Their relationship was getting really hard, she told me. She was always worried about her person’s safety and it caused her to lose sight of herself. I told her that maybe she should try taking a little break. Not too much later, I was just waking up from a nap when I saw my phone ringing for a video call. I answer it and staring back at me is a girl I didn’t know. Her eyes were so puffy I wondered if she could even see and her skin was so pale despite all her melanin. She wouldn’t be getting the break that she needed, but in true Black girl fashion, she pulled herself together and kept it pushing.

I tell her story to say that time and space are so important, and often neglected when it comes to self-care for Black girls/women. My favorite director, Ava Duvernay said “we constantly want to give to other people ... Too much of not caring for yourself is not a good thing….self-care is a priority and we have to do it more.” As people who are always giving, be it to our families, relationships, jobs or whatever, we owe it to ourselves to take breaks as needed. To focus on ourselves when we need to. To be vulnerable and yet still feel safe. We owe ourselves the time and space to heal.